To be youngPanic-stricken by misaligned prioritiesTo feel remarkably invincibleFor such an optimistic suicidalistPlaying with deathMastering the art of walking the devilTell me how it feltTo dismantle your own very being,To feel the coldness creep inHoping no longerTo stay warmTell me,What made fear worth the rest of your life?
I say I need youAs if your loveSat on the needleThrashing into my skinTugging at the two sidesForcing them together likeA child in a divorceI say I need youAs if your loveWas meant to complete meWhen your loveWas meant to compliment me
At the momentShe was goneShe would run until she had reachedThe only spot she felt would be safeAlone in a terrible hellCaught in the stormIn the line of fire from jagged spears of lighteningAnd thunderbolt hammers
I can handle theTriggers,Flashbacks,Anxiety,Panic attacks,Nightmares,Regret,Body memories,Double takes,To make sure that guy wasn’tAny of themI can handle it allI just can’t handleThe look on his faceWhen we kissWhen I pull awayWipe it offSit downWhen no matter whatEither of us sayMy lips don’t believeKisses are safe, now
The best part isI have all of thesePreviousExperiences,Attitudes,Ways of living,Ideas,OpinionsFinally,This is whereThey all comeTogetherWhere I carve outThe lifeI desireThe oneI’ve alwaysDeserved
It’s not going to be easyYou’re going to get rejectedA lotYou’re going to get hurtEven moreBut goddamnit,You’ve got a life to liveIf not oneTo still discoverBad things are gonna happenI’m so sorryYou brave, darling soul,You have to keep going.
I hope theArtist,Singer,Dancer,Actress Gets chillsWhen they see their workLike we do I hope you, tooFind somethingYou are so proud ofIt gives you chills
I sat on the ledgeAdmiring what ICouldn’t understandThey saw meVulnerableIf only I had my floatiesMaybe I could haveFilled them up with heliumFloated high aboveThe budding flowers of springFor once noticedThe graceful deathOf dandelion weedsInsteadThey reached upFrom depths I’d only heardFirst my legsLeaving no more than a bubbleFollowing my ponytailThey tied up my wristsIt was soContinue reading “Hypoxia”
NEDA week is supposed to be about raising awareness, sharing stories of hope and courage, and doing what feels absolutely impossible. Unfortunately over the years this week has turned in to a competition about who is or was the sickest. Before you feel targeted or like I’m just going to tell you everything you’re doingContinue reading “Changing how we acknowledge NEDA week.”
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